I have loved one woman my whole life. That sounds very romantic and I'm cool with that. But I don't know anyone else that can say that. I wouldn't want to be with anyone else but Nikki. But Nikki loved a guy before me. My friend Gabriel has been in love about 3 times. And I could name a whole bunch of other people that were in love with people before they settled down with the one's they are with now. Did I miss out on something?
I know that sounds weird but hear me out. Heartbreak. Mostly everyone goes through this emotion. Loving someone and then having their world shatter around them when it doesn't work out. I guess I started thinking about this because of a friend of mine who is getting divorced. He is depressed and crying and there is no talking to the guy as he descends into a pit of his own self-pity. I don't know what that feels like. I listen to him talk and I try to empathize but I really don't know what he's going through.
I've dated a few girls before Nicole and I got dumped twice, but I got over it . . . really quickly, actually. But that's because I wasn't in love with them. I didn't imagine a fututre with them. I guess what I'm thinking right now is: is heartbreak an emotion that everyone should go through (since most people do experience it) so they can grow as a person. I don't know. I brought that idea up to Nikki and when I told her I have never been heartbroken, she said: "you're lucky."
Monday, May 31, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
This Time of Year
As those close to me already know, one of my jobs is as a substitute teacher. Over the last week or so I have been going to high schools here in San Bernardino. I am trying very hard to remember what the last week of my senior year was like but for the life of me I can't. I might have had a substitute as well; it's not out of the realm of possibility as teachers with sick days built up have the use them or lose them attitude. I don't know why I can't recall my last week in high school, maybe because there was nothing important- I mean it was all busy work and movies. I remember my graduation and grad night but not 3rd period the Tuesday before. So I guess that's what I am now, a blip or a disgarded memory to the class of 2010. It doesn't bother me that much, I just find it funny.
As I have been relegated to mostly babysitting the last week, I have been observing as well. Grades 9-11 are, for the most part, disrespectful and annoying. But seniors are different. One boy talked to me today because he saw that my bag has US Army on it. He too is joining the army and going to basic training in the fall. He wouldn't stop asking me questions. I suspect most seniors have questions but might not have anyone to ask.
I can't speak for everyone, but my last week of high school, there was no malaise, I knew I was moving on. Heck I graduated on Thursday, went to grad night, slept in Friday, went to a friend's graduation party on Saturday and on Sunday my recruiter picked me up and took me a hotel near LAX. By Monday morning, a mere4 days after I graduated I was on an airplane to Ft. Knox, Kentucky. So that last week I guess I was kind of sad. There's a realization that these seniors have (and I suppose every senior has) that the life you have become accustomed to is no more. From age 0 to 17 or 18, you have lived with the expectation that you will wake up Monday thru Friday and go sit in classes and see friends and do homework, etc. That all changes. When the reins are taken off, so to speak, when your decisions are now truly yours, life feels different.
Back in 2001, when I graduated, there was a song that was being played a lot on the radio, it was called Graduation Song (very original I know) that made a lot of girls cry as they hugged each other and signed one another's yearbooks. (Don't get me wrong about that song though, as much as I have a nostalgic fondness for it, it is a crap pop song with God awful lyrics likes "Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?/Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?") My point is simply that things are emotional. I guess this is the first time that I have looked from the other side at kids going through what I went through. It's a bittersweet time. A time that, even though I don't remember the events of the days, I remember being sad that things were changing, frightened by not knowing what was ahead, and excited.
As I have been relegated to mostly babysitting the last week, I have been observing as well. Grades 9-11 are, for the most part, disrespectful and annoying. But seniors are different. One boy talked to me today because he saw that my bag has US Army on it. He too is joining the army and going to basic training in the fall. He wouldn't stop asking me questions. I suspect most seniors have questions but might not have anyone to ask.
I can't speak for everyone, but my last week of high school, there was no malaise, I knew I was moving on. Heck I graduated on Thursday, went to grad night, slept in Friday, went to a friend's graduation party on Saturday and on Sunday my recruiter picked me up and took me a hotel near LAX. By Monday morning, a mere4 days after I graduated I was on an airplane to Ft. Knox, Kentucky. So that last week I guess I was kind of sad. There's a realization that these seniors have (and I suppose every senior has) that the life you have become accustomed to is no more. From age 0 to 17 or 18, you have lived with the expectation that you will wake up Monday thru Friday and go sit in classes and see friends and do homework, etc. That all changes. When the reins are taken off, so to speak, when your decisions are now truly yours, life feels different.
Back in 2001, when I graduated, there was a song that was being played a lot on the radio, it was called Graduation Song (very original I know) that made a lot of girls cry as they hugged each other and signed one another's yearbooks. (Don't get me wrong about that song though, as much as I have a nostalgic fondness for it, it is a crap pop song with God awful lyrics likes "Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?/Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?") My point is simply that things are emotional. I guess this is the first time that I have looked from the other side at kids going through what I went through. It's a bittersweet time. A time that, even though I don't remember the events of the days, I remember being sad that things were changing, frightened by not knowing what was ahead, and excited.
Monday, May 24, 2010
When the Fat Lady sings
So LOST is over, I can only say the ending was a beautiful cop-out. If you don't understand what I mean, go back, watch all 120 episodes and the finale (twice) and we can discuss it. A better way to put it might be to compare it to the Sopranos ending. There they are, sitting in a restaurant and then- black. Some people felt it was a beautiful ending and the show couldn't have put a better finale. I completely disagree with those Sopranos people by the way- the end was crap. But it got me thinking about all the shows I've watched over the years and the one's lucky enough to have final episodes (most shows don't have final episodes by the way), I thought I would grade the endings based on quality of episode and did was it a good denoument for the show.
Seinfeld- the gang is arrested and what ensues for an hour is a rehashing of all the memorable characters from the show. Personally, it get a C- from me, it's a little lazy and not very funny- although my friend Richard loves that episode, so I guess it takes all kinds.
X-Files- the two episode finale for this show has become a joke between me and my friends. In what is awfully lazy writing, they spend a huge chunk of time putting Agent Mulder in a hearing where they essentially go back through all the major points of the alien conspiracy (just in case y'all forgot.) Then we see Cancer Man (that's right, screw you big Tobacco, I am never calling him Cigarette Smoking Man) in an Indian hedress- yeah, weird. I really loved this show, I got into it in high school, but my favorite episodes were the one's that had nothing to do with the conspiracy. D
Star Trek: Deep Space 9- now to be fair, I'm not a trekkie, I actually don't like most things Star Trek, but this show was dumb fun action mixed with the usually half-assed philosophy Star Trek seems to love (yes, I do see the irony of that complaint in that I am a Star Wars nut and the Force is one big lunch box of eastern philosophy, so sue me). But anyway, the thing ended with a war, and then a battle of good and evil, what else could you want? A
Cheers- I don't know why I was watching this show as a kid, but I liked it. And I remember sitting with my family and watching the last episode. It was good, but I was a kid so I didn't care too much that it ended. B
Full House- Awful, awful, awful. Granted, by the time the finale came out on this one, I was pretty much older and out of the show. But an hour long episode about Michelle losing her memory? What the hell were they thinking? F
Wonder Years- From one of the worst, to the best. Finale's aren't done much better than this. A+
Dinosaurs- Let me tell you something, this finale is thoughtprovoking and will leave you stunned. It's a fun family comedy show with a baby that had popular catchphrases (Not the mama!) but when they ended this show it was a big statement on the dangers of destroying our environment, now if that sounds lame, it's really not, it's shocking how they do it and very very sad. I respect the show and writers, but I don't know that I would ever want to see this finale again. ?
Spiderman: The Animated Series- Spidey gets to save not only this world but all worlds that exist in parallel universes, meet Stan Lee, have a tearful reunion with Uncle Ben and rescue Mary Jane. A
Fresh Prince of Bel-Air- Everyone moves away and Carlton has a hilarious final moment. A
Mystery Science Theater 3000- A fun ending where the robot and Mike live happily on earth ranting about movies still. A
That 70's Show- The show had been going down hill even before Topher Grace left, it was just eccelerated. The last season is almost unwatchable as the loveable Fez who was so funny as a supporting character got more and more screen time. But in the last episode it feels sweet and nice that everyone comes together again. A-
Roseanne- My family realted to the Conner's not because we were white or lived in the mid-west, but because they were a poor and struggling family like us and so we watched and laughed and then they won the lottery and it went down hill faster than Johan Hill chasing a donut. The final episode basically says the last season was all a story she wrote or some such crap. It's kind of like the "it was all a dream" only stretched out over a year- which just makes it so much worse. D-
Was I right, was I wrong, agree, disagree; let me know what you think or tell me some shows I forgot.
Seinfeld- the gang is arrested and what ensues for an hour is a rehashing of all the memorable characters from the show. Personally, it get a C- from me, it's a little lazy and not very funny- although my friend Richard loves that episode, so I guess it takes all kinds.
X-Files- the two episode finale for this show has become a joke between me and my friends. In what is awfully lazy writing, they spend a huge chunk of time putting Agent Mulder in a hearing where they essentially go back through all the major points of the alien conspiracy (just in case y'all forgot.) Then we see Cancer Man (that's right, screw you big Tobacco, I am never calling him Cigarette Smoking Man) in an Indian hedress- yeah, weird. I really loved this show, I got into it in high school, but my favorite episodes were the one's that had nothing to do with the conspiracy. D
Star Trek: Deep Space 9- now to be fair, I'm not a trekkie, I actually don't like most things Star Trek, but this show was dumb fun action mixed with the usually half-assed philosophy Star Trek seems to love (yes, I do see the irony of that complaint in that I am a Star Wars nut and the Force is one big lunch box of eastern philosophy, so sue me). But anyway, the thing ended with a war, and then a battle of good and evil, what else could you want? A
Cheers- I don't know why I was watching this show as a kid, but I liked it. And I remember sitting with my family and watching the last episode. It was good, but I was a kid so I didn't care too much that it ended. B
Full House- Awful, awful, awful. Granted, by the time the finale came out on this one, I was pretty much older and out of the show. But an hour long episode about Michelle losing her memory? What the hell were they thinking? F
Wonder Years- From one of the worst, to the best. Finale's aren't done much better than this. A+
Dinosaurs- Let me tell you something, this finale is thoughtprovoking and will leave you stunned. It's a fun family comedy show with a baby that had popular catchphrases (Not the mama!) but when they ended this show it was a big statement on the dangers of destroying our environment, now if that sounds lame, it's really not, it's shocking how they do it and very very sad. I respect the show and writers, but I don't know that I would ever want to see this finale again. ?
Spiderman: The Animated Series- Spidey gets to save not only this world but all worlds that exist in parallel universes, meet Stan Lee, have a tearful reunion with Uncle Ben and rescue Mary Jane. A
Fresh Prince of Bel-Air- Everyone moves away and Carlton has a hilarious final moment. A
Mystery Science Theater 3000- A fun ending where the robot and Mike live happily on earth ranting about movies still. A
That 70's Show- The show had been going down hill even before Topher Grace left, it was just eccelerated. The last season is almost unwatchable as the loveable Fez who was so funny as a supporting character got more and more screen time. But in the last episode it feels sweet and nice that everyone comes together again. A-
Roseanne- My family realted to the Conner's not because we were white or lived in the mid-west, but because they were a poor and struggling family like us and so we watched and laughed and then they won the lottery and it went down hill faster than Johan Hill chasing a donut. The final episode basically says the last season was all a story she wrote or some such crap. It's kind of like the "it was all a dream" only stretched out over a year- which just makes it so much worse. D-
Was I right, was I wrong, agree, disagree; let me know what you think or tell me some shows I forgot.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Lost Finale
Hey everyone, since its inception LOST has been one of the best and most frustrating shows on television. I didn't get into it when it first came out. Friends had to talk me into watching it and then it wasn't until I got netflix and was able to catch up on whole seasons that I became an avid fan. Tonight it ends. And I don't want to discourage anyone from watching the show, beacuse I think it's great. But if you are a fan like me then please tell me if I'm wrong by wanting answers to this list of questions.
Yeah, there are a lot of unanswered questions on LOST, at the end of the pilot (which I rewatched last night) Charlie asks "Where are we?" Honestly, six years later, I don't think we have a clear answer to that question. Which begins my questions:
1) Where is the island? Somewhere between Australia and LA, so the Pacific, and that's about all I got.
2) What is the deal with the numbers? 4, 8, 15, 23, 42? They ruined Hurley's life and, I mean what is the deal with them?
3) What was up with Walt? He could make a bird fly into a window and he was special to the Others, which leads me to ask:
4) What exactly did the Others do to Walt when they kidnapped him? Ben says they learned a lot from him, but what was that?
5) And what is up with the Others anyway? At first they seemed like some multinational spy network, with people stationed all over the world and Ben claiming to have millions at his disposal and then they turn into some religious cult living in a temple, which leads me to ask:
6) Who built the temple? Why was the smoke monster under the temple when Roussseau got there and then it couldn't enter later?
7) Speaking of bizzare things on the island, what was the deal with that 4-toed statue? Who the hell built that thing?
8) Then we get to the dharma initiative, I have no idea why they were on the island in the first place, how they found the island (though to be fair there was some vague explanation by Mrs. Faraday involving a pendulum and some chalk . . . yeah) and why the did they bring polar bears to the island? Seriously, polar bears.
9) Thinking of Walt also makes me think about Aaron, he's supposed to be important to, unless the writers forgot they brought that up.
10) And why can't pregnant women give birth? The Others were working on that so they brought in Juliet, but they never said why.
11) Speaking of Juliet, how did she become such a badass? Kate vs. Juliet, you would think Kate would have kicked the crap out of that nerdy fertility doctor, but no, all the Others seems to have some magical ass-kicking ability, no matter how nerdy they look (ie Ben Linus) they seem to be able to whip anyone.
Okay, my wife is telling me to shut up with these questions, but trust me I've only scratched the surface. We still don't know why Hurley was in a mental institution, why Desmond is immune to elctomagnitism, what dark force was inside Sayid (or how electrocuting him was a test of that dark force for that matter, I mean really, how the hell does that work), how Jacob left the island, why Illiana was all bandaged up or a slew of other questions . . . whew. But I still love the show and will watch tonight, it's just one of those things that are so frustrating but you love them anway, I guess.
Yeah, there are a lot of unanswered questions on LOST, at the end of the pilot (which I rewatched last night) Charlie asks "Where are we?" Honestly, six years later, I don't think we have a clear answer to that question. Which begins my questions:
1) Where is the island? Somewhere between Australia and LA, so the Pacific, and that's about all I got.
2) What is the deal with the numbers? 4, 8, 15, 23, 42? They ruined Hurley's life and, I mean what is the deal with them?
3) What was up with Walt? He could make a bird fly into a window and he was special to the Others, which leads me to ask:
4) What exactly did the Others do to Walt when they kidnapped him? Ben says they learned a lot from him, but what was that?
5) And what is up with the Others anyway? At first they seemed like some multinational spy network, with people stationed all over the world and Ben claiming to have millions at his disposal and then they turn into some religious cult living in a temple, which leads me to ask:
6) Who built the temple? Why was the smoke monster under the temple when Roussseau got there and then it couldn't enter later?
7) Speaking of bizzare things on the island, what was the deal with that 4-toed statue? Who the hell built that thing?
8) Then we get to the dharma initiative, I have no idea why they were on the island in the first place, how they found the island (though to be fair there was some vague explanation by Mrs. Faraday involving a pendulum and some chalk . . . yeah) and why the did they bring polar bears to the island? Seriously, polar bears.
9) Thinking of Walt also makes me think about Aaron, he's supposed to be important to, unless the writers forgot they brought that up.
10) And why can't pregnant women give birth? The Others were working on that so they brought in Juliet, but they never said why.
11) Speaking of Juliet, how did she become such a badass? Kate vs. Juliet, you would think Kate would have kicked the crap out of that nerdy fertility doctor, but no, all the Others seems to have some magical ass-kicking ability, no matter how nerdy they look (ie Ben Linus) they seem to be able to whip anyone.
Okay, my wife is telling me to shut up with these questions, but trust me I've only scratched the surface. We still don't know why Hurley was in a mental institution, why Desmond is immune to elctomagnitism, what dark force was inside Sayid (or how electrocuting him was a test of that dark force for that matter, I mean really, how the hell does that work), how Jacob left the island, why Illiana was all bandaged up or a slew of other questions . . . whew. But I still love the show and will watch tonight, it's just one of those things that are so frustrating but you love them anway, I guess.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
May 22, 2010
Thanks for stopping by and reading this blog.
Today, if there's one thing that is on my mind more than anything its that I had to say goodbye to my wonderful speech class. See, for those that don't know I'm a substitute teacher and I've worked very closely with the Student Special Services Department, they like me so much that they gave me the duty of handling the speech services of and entire school, Bon View Elementary.
It was a rough year at times. I had to see darn near 50 students a day, in groups of 30 minutes, so I had practically no breaks and a short lunch. But I got relly attached to that job. Before we went on Christmas break three of my students bought me Christmas gifts; I got the tin of popcorn, a little dolphin figurine, and a bracelet (I guess she saw the gold ring on my left hand and thought I liked jewelry). I had some students who I won't miss and I know won't miss me.
I've helped Nicole take down posters and borders from her classrooms so many times. But as I walked my small room and took down the speech posters I was given by a colleague and the student work I had put up, I was really sad. I know I didn't do a bad job because some teachers spoke highly of me to my supervisors and while I was there more than 10 students got exited, or graduated, from speech. I don't know what will happen in the fall, I've heard a few speech therapists are retiring and one is going on maternity leave, but that doesn't guarantee me anything. I'm a sub, and I can't do IEP meetings or fill out assessments, so even though I'm good to actually see the kids I'm also kind of a burden for the other therapists who need to do all the paperwork on my kids.
But Friday, at around 3:10, as the school got out and kids rushed home from what was their last Friday of the year (they get out of school May 25th, this Tuesday), I was in the speech room, just cleaning up and throwing out old papers, when three of my students came in. I got to say good-bye again and I let them have an extra prize from the prize box. That made me feel good that they stopped by.
Today, if there's one thing that is on my mind more than anything its that I had to say goodbye to my wonderful speech class. See, for those that don't know I'm a substitute teacher and I've worked very closely with the Student Special Services Department, they like me so much that they gave me the duty of handling the speech services of and entire school, Bon View Elementary.
It was a rough year at times. I had to see darn near 50 students a day, in groups of 30 minutes, so I had practically no breaks and a short lunch. But I got relly attached to that job. Before we went on Christmas break three of my students bought me Christmas gifts; I got the tin of popcorn, a little dolphin figurine, and a bracelet (I guess she saw the gold ring on my left hand and thought I liked jewelry). I had some students who I won't miss and I know won't miss me.
I've helped Nicole take down posters and borders from her classrooms so many times. But as I walked my small room and took down the speech posters I was given by a colleague and the student work I had put up, I was really sad. I know I didn't do a bad job because some teachers spoke highly of me to my supervisors and while I was there more than 10 students got exited, or graduated, from speech. I don't know what will happen in the fall, I've heard a few speech therapists are retiring and one is going on maternity leave, but that doesn't guarantee me anything. I'm a sub, and I can't do IEP meetings or fill out assessments, so even though I'm good to actually see the kids I'm also kind of a burden for the other therapists who need to do all the paperwork on my kids.
But Friday, at around 3:10, as the school got out and kids rushed home from what was their last Friday of the year (they get out of school May 25th, this Tuesday), I was in the speech room, just cleaning up and throwing out old papers, when three of my students came in. I got to say good-bye again and I let them have an extra prize from the prize box. That made me feel good that they stopped by.
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